Goku, Don't!
by Einstein-006
Summary: A wacky group of interviews, stories, and stuff about the characters of Dragonball Z! Funny, enjoyable, and maybe even exciting! (doubtful)
1. Goku-Kakarot in Disguise!

Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Muahahhaha! This is a sort of column about Dragonball Z. IT describes the various characters, things that happen in Dragonball Z, and lots of other stuff. However, I have no idea how to start a column, so I'll stick to the 'stories' section. Heh, this will have at least 15 different articles, so stay tuned. For today, I'll just stick to funny stuff about Goku. I own nothing.  
  
Super Saiyain Goku, and Super Saiyain Goten. I personally like Goku the best, even though Piccolo is my favorite character. Let's see here, Goten turned into a Super Saiyain by fighting Chichi-who the heck died doing that. Maybe the grass. Or a wonderful apple tree that supplies shade for 70-degree picnics, playing ball-I mean, yeah, who died there? Goku had to have Krillin and Piccolo-boohoo-to turn into a Super Saiyain. What the heck happened there?  
  
Here's my explanation, even though it sucks, hear me out. Goten was Half-Saiyain, but because he was conceived (what does that mean, I just heard it on some information site) before the Cell Games, he is a form of Goku's anger towards Cell. SO, he is technically just a being of pure fury. So with a bit of training with Trunks, he should have easily turned into a Super Saiyain. But, because he is a splitting-image and personality of Goku, his anger was sub-conscious, so on the outside, Goten is a wonderful, carefree child. WHAT NOW, HUH!  
  
Okay, the theory sucks. But I support it. Don't get all-serious and try flaming me for it, because I'll just laugh my head off at you. MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, on to the funny stuff.  
  
Did you know Chichi is bilingual! She understands English, and everything Goku says when he is eating. All I would do is hear some gibberish, then go to the bathroom to have a good throw-up session.  
  
Plus, in Deadzone, Goku takes his shirt off to fight Piccolo and Garlic Junior. But when he starts fighting Frieza, an evil tyrant, and Cell, an organic android with no weakpoint, he does nothing. Is Garlic Junior really that tough? Come on, Goku was dying fighting Frieza, and he was just fine fighting Garlic Junior. Immortal or not, Cell was immortal enough for me.  
  
And Goten, what the heck is up with him? I've seen some pictures of him in GT, why doesn't he get a good haircut? He could've ended up like good old Gohan, super strength, but still a gentleman. He turns out like some flop-homeless guy.  
  
Notice that Goku never fought android 17 or 18? I bet he would crush them so hard. Anyway, he was probably faking that heart attack just to give the androids a chance! Those screams were so fake, and nightmares, come on, he knows how the androids look? He was probably sneaking out and spying on the androids, noting how badly he should work them. I bet he was as strong as he was when he fought Cell when he had that 'heart attack'. OH YEAH, theory world TONIGHT! I think now, I'll have my usual interview with myself. It's cool isn't it?  
  
Einstein_006: So, Me, why do you think Goku is so carefree?  
  
Me: He is really Kakarot. He is working together with Bardock, who escaped Frieza with instant transmission, and Brolli, some homeless guy he found, to DESTROY EARH! Goku doesn't come up with these instant movement ideas by himself, Bardock obviously told him. Brolli is obviously the spy, dressed up as Chaotzu. Mix-ups just turned up when Goku DIED AND ALL, but that wasn't that bad.  
  
Einstein_006: Well that's quite a theory. What job would Goku is best at, in your opinion?  
  
Me: Well, you have to consider what he's done in the past. Hmmm, killed Grandpa Gohan, let his son get kidnapped by a short lizard thing named after food, let some idiot Cell kill him. Yep, Goku would best be a world- defender! Even though he needs very sufficient quantities of food, I'm sure the cooks at Z team headquarters will take care of it.  
  
***At Z team Headquarters*** CRAP! Goku is coming, summon everyone. He is gonna eat everything, and then trample us! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Einstein_006: I'm sure Z team will be quite happy and proud to have Goku join their gang. Now, do you think Vegeta will ever beat Goku?  
  
Me: Of course not! Secretly, Goku is like Super Saiyain 1 billion ½, he just likes adding some action to his own TV show!  
  
Einstein_006: Nice. Very Nice. Last part of the interview, can you please give a statement to end this damn article and I can go home and eat and-  
  
Me: Sure!  
  
Einstein_006: Nice statement, goodbye.  
  
Me: Wait, wait! Oh well....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And so ends the first issue of my article. Enjoy reading it, MUAHAHHAHAHAHA! Come back for-well, just come back, you'll see what I have for you, I just have to think it up! 


	2. Trunks-What a Loser!

Time for the second issue of Goku, Don't! Thanks to the 2 people who reviewed, I'm glad you said something in a review, not just hit the back button. A note, when I said I didn't know what conceived meant, I ACTUALLY GOT A REPLY! Oh my gosh.... Anyway, you said, "it might burn my virgin ears". What does that mean? Anyway, this 'issue' it about Trunks, future and present, and how funny and not logical he is. I like Trunks a lot, but he is nothing compared to Piccolo! NOTHING! PiccoloTrunks.... Oh yeah, I own nothing, trust me on that one.  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Welcome to the second issue of Goku, Don't! I'm sure you enjoyed my first issue, but the second one will be even better! This is the issue about Trunks, the most illogical (future one) and weak (present one) on the face of this earth! Of course, Bulma ties up with him-I won't get in to that. But, one with the issue!  
  
Trunks is the guy when you think of Frieza, sword, handsome... Not me. I think illogical, stupid, and weak (the latter only for the present day one-the future one is stronger than I need him to be).  
  
Illogical? How could good old Trunks be illogical? Well, consider his battles. Against Frieza-he kills his henchman, then Frieza, then King Cold. Nice, direct way to destroy the tyrant. But the best way? Doubtful, extremely doubtful. I mean, come on, I would have jumped in at full power and blown them all to hell without a care in the world. Why lengthen your battles? Oh, my favorite line is "Frieza, I think it's time you faced a true Super Saiyain. And I'm not talking about Goku." ***Clapping in the background*** What was that. What I would've said? I would've said "Damn Frieza, you suck! You got beaten by 3rd class Goku (I like Goku, but I would've said it to anger Frieza), and now you're about to be beaten by a 17 year old. What happened to your tyranny RETARD? Huh? HUH!?" Now, that is a little more powerful; just a little. If Funimation wants to make Trunks cool, if they had him jump out from behind a boulder and cut Frieza's head off, and then cut King Cold in half with a destructo disk, then I would've liked Trunks a lot, and had a ton more respect for that half-wit present Trunks....  
  
Another thing, why did Trunks try to fight Perfect Cell. I mean, WHAT A PLAN, charge in on something GOKU says has no weakpoint, and then try to fight it. Trunks thought he was all slick telling Krillin to go get Vegeta, which idiot couldn't see that move? Even a blind man could've sensed that move. Perfect Cell is an ORGANIC ANDROID; he sees everything, practically. Oh well. That's Trunk's logic for ya.  
  
Of course, I still respect Future Trunks, even if he if he is an idi- excellent person. Time for present day Trunks. For all that like him a lot, he is about to be bashed, smashed, and killed before you're eyes. MUAHAHHAHAHA!  
  
Present day Trunks is such a fool. Who came up with the idea for Mighty Mask.. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.. Maybe, Chichi? No, Trunks! What kind of an idea is wearing a mask with sink gloves and a cape? Did the watchful guards notice he had 2 eyeholes in his pants. That is not the most ordinary feature of a pair of pants, but it might be the most useful. Anyway, Trunks has TINY muscles! The tournament guards didn't notice that either.  
  
Oh, and in Dragonball GT, he is going to date Pan, Gohan and Videl's daughter? Listen fanfiction authors, if someone is 14 years younger than you, that is just wrong. Just wrong. However, it does show how pathetic Trunks is. What a LOSER! Dating someone 14 years younger than him.  
  
And now ***trumpets sound***, it's time for the interview with myself! It's about Trunks, that los-wonderful person.  
  
Einstein_006: Do you think that Future Trunks is a gentleman, or some kind of monster that some people make him out to be?  
  
Me: Future Trunks? Definitely a gentleman, in my opinion. But just for NOW! Chichi actually had Goten in the future, but he teamed up with Trunks, so they are planning an EVIL PLOT! When the androids strike, they will HIJACK EVERY CLOTHING STORE. When android 18 is really mad, they will throw shirts at her! When she is trying to grab for them, they will strangle her with a LARGE PAIR OF PANTS.  
  
Einstein_006: Is present-day Trunks part of the Z team, in your opinion?  
  
Me: No way! That weakling couldn't hurt a fly! I said couldn't, not wouldn't! He just hooked himself and Goten up with a mechanism that automatically turned their hair gold and spiky! It costs like 1 billion dollars, but what the heck! They are really just 2 crippled 60 year-olds, who use machines to make them look like 'Trunks and Goten'!  
  
Einstein_006: What occupation is Trunk's best suited for?  
  
Me: Senior Citizen's helper. No comment.  
  
Einstein_006: Okay. That was quite an answer. Last part of the interview, please leave us with a last statement about Trunks.  
  
Me: Trunks needs to get a life.  
  
Einstein_006: Not what I was looking for, but it is still a statement! Goodbye!  
  
Me: Goodbye!  
  
***I try to split myself in half but fail miserably***  
  
  
  
  
  
Didn't you love it? I think it is pretty funny. Don't be offended, I like Trunk's a lot, it's just that, well, I don't. Yeah. What an answer. Anyway, keep checking this story for more updates! I think I'll do android 18 next. Damn her, if only they hadn't included her in the show. SHE SUCKS! Anyway, more on that next time, on Goku, Don't! 


	3. Android 18-Dumb Beauty!

Yet another issue of Goku, Don't! You love it, don't you. Thanks to that 1 more person who reviewed; I really like it when I get a review, even it says "DAMN THAT STORY SUCKS!" Couple of notes: If you want to change anything about the story, or make suggestions, please do. Heh. Anyway, I think I'll do android 18 this time. I hate her; so pretty much, expect android 18 bashing. Plus, the future one is about to get her head ripped off. Enjoy! Oh yeah, I own nothing!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Android 18. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! I hate her with a passion. She sucks. Deserves to die. Anyway, it's time to bash, smash, and massacre her reputation so I myself can laugh my head off at her.  
  
Why is the future android 18 so obsessed with clothing. Take note the present 18 wears the same clothing she stole from Chichi to the World Martial Arts Tournament. At least wear something original, come on, you saved those clothes for 7 years? Personally, I wouldn't want to wear something that was once drenched with the saliva of Cell.....  
  
And she is a witch. All evil. I've seen fan fictions and fan sites saying "I love android 18! So cool and beautiful!" or "Wow, android 18 is so awesome and beautiful!" Sorry to inform you, but you can't marry an imaginary friend. Time to discuss everyone android 18 is coupled with...  
  
I also hate those stories wear they pair future Trunks and future android 18. I can almost see it! "THIS IS FOR GOHAN!" ***Goes up and kisses her straight on the lips*** What happened there. The last time I checked, avenging someone involves ACTUALLY KILLING THEM! Not making them happier...  
  
Krillin, the short, bald, midget who I think should be the strongest character in Dragonball Z, super strength, super style, super-never mind. Why pair him up with an evil, psychotic killing machine? People will probably flame me for this, but when I think about it, I was just waiting for her to turn around and say "Krillin, I'm sorry, but I'm still evil. Goodbye." ***Blows him up and leaves to destroy Yamcha and Tien***  
  
I even saw a fiction with 18 with 17. HOLY CRAP THAT'S JUST FRICKING WRONG! I don't even want see anyone with such a sick mind. Such a sick, sick mind. I can see them sharing a bottle of wine, a romantic moment, and then Gohan and Trunks come along, "Prepare to die Androids!" "We're taking five, blondie. Go get a life."  
  
Enough of that crap. Romance is so boring, Romeo and Juliet is like a lullaby. "Oh, Juliet, come thee!" ***Softly humming to myself as I fall asleep***  
  
I also love it when I saw 18 fighting Trunks and Goten; a.k.a. Mighty Mask. "Tricks over, TRUNKS AND GOTEN!" ***Fires some type of disk blast thingymajiggy*** Yeah, thank you captain obvious. Which adult warrior has the muscles the size of my pinky finger? However, it is now time to have an interview with myself!  
  
Einstein_006: Hello, Me. How do you think Dr. Gero got android 17 and 18?  
  
Me: Well, you see, 18, or as she was know as, Christina D. Umb, was walking around town, when she saw a short midget named Krillin. She felt such hatred towards him, she decided to go through with an ad on the wall to her right "TURN INTO AN ANDROID! DR. GERO'S EASY-TO-LEARN HOW TO BECOME AN ANDROID CLASS! TAKES ONLY 1 LIFE!" So, she went to Dr. Gero an became android 18. She married Krillin, so when the time is right, she can lure him into some cave, and then self-detonate, destroying him! MUHAHAHAHAHAHHA!  
  
Einstein_006: Sweet. You're answers get better every interview. Anyway, is android 18 the one with the job, or Krillin?  
  
Me: Android 18, of course! She shoplifts banks, then gives some homeless guy the cash. Then, when the police catch him, they give her a HUGE reward!  
  
Einstein_006: No comment. Does android 18 have a good fashion sense?  
  
Me: Yeah right. She wears like 3 outfits in total. They may be good, but well, they suck. Heheheh.  
  
Einstein_006: Okay, we are running out of time. Please leave us with a last comment.  
  
Me: Die ANDROID, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Einstein_006: Enough exclamation marks, thank you. Goodbye!  
  
Me: Goodbye, but DIE DIE DIE ANDROID! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
HEHEHEHEHEH! Sorry 18 lovers, but I don't like her much. Piccolo all the way, or at least good old Krillin. Krillin should have married some nice, country girl like Chichi, but less aggressive! Just my opinion, anyway. Next time on Goku, Don't, Goku becomes a Super Saiyain! Wait, that's the Frieza Saga...... Oh yeah, next time, prepare for either Gohan (who will not be insulted very much, but will still be funny, but I can't insult Goku's son.... "OF COURSE YOU CAN'T FANFIC BOY! Great, Goku's on my tail...), or Krillin, to compliment android 18. Cya next time for Dragonball Z! I mean, Goku, Don't! HEEHEHEHHEEH! 


	4. Gohan-Furious Juvenile!

Yet another issue of Goku, Don't! Wow, I really love writing this. I do write other stories though, but don't read those, read this one! I'm really churning out these stories, but I enjoy writing them, so I think I will keep continuing them on and on and on. Anyway, I think I will go Gohan now! This is going to be funny! Like I have to say that. Enjoy. Plus, I OWN NOTHING! GET IT IN YOUR HEAD!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Gohan. I've been laughing at him since I started watching Dragonball Z. Trust me, if you thought about Dragonball Z the way I do, you would be laughing your head off from day 1. Well, since he is so TENSE (trust me, just watch him), I think he deserves to get laughed at! HEHEHEHEHEH!  
  
Imagine Gohan vs. Cell. The tension is rising, as the Cell Juniors are beating the hell out of all the Z warriors. Android 16 was just completely destroyed by Cell, and Gohan is starting cry. Cell is laughing evilly. Gohan screams inhumanly, and goes Super Saiyain 2.  
  
Wow, how nice! Actually it sucks. When Gohan screams, what do you think of? Goku dying? Maybe the world is being destroyed? Maybe you pity Gohan? I think, "Damn Gohan, if you want some attention, there's no need to scream for it!" The next time I saw it, I thought, "Whoa, Gohan, if you need to go to the bathroom, now is not the time to get constipated!"  
  
Goku vs. Radditz. Goku is dying. Gohan screams "DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!", and charges Radditz. If you are worried about Goku, you don't have to commit suicide for it, Gohan. Trust me, try asking Piccolo for some help. Or maybe use a nice masenko. If you don't know it yet, DON'T COMMIT SUICIDE! Charging an evil Saiyain who happens to be the brother of GOKU it not the brightest idea in the world.  
  
When Gohan is in Orange Star High School, don't you happen to notice he blushes A LOT? Either he is in love with every girl in the school, or he needs to see a doctor about his seriously bad blood-pumping problem. I can see it now, Gohan's face exploding with too much blood.. MUAHHAHAHAH!  
  
And why does Gohan grow his hair out when he is like 8 or 9? He looked so cute when he was on Namek, I really liked that haircut, and it had better fashion sense than andro-never mind. He looks really weird, with that scarf around his neck. If he bleached his hair, he could be SSJ3! Cell would cower before him (not as if he didn't).  
  
Future Gohan is so screwed up. Remember the part when he first shows up at the scene where the androids rampaged a city? Yeah, I know you all do. And in my version, the play this kick booty rock music as he enters. What is he, Vegeta? Only Vegeta has such awesome music when he jumps into a scene, not Gohan. Only Vegeta deserves that 'princely' title.  
  
And remember when Gohan turned into a Super Saiyain (future Gohan) by raising his arms? Android 17 isn't god, not need to get in some type of prayer/sacrificial position.  
  
Think about the time when Gohan tried attacking Frieza, when he was really angry and was a 'Super Saiyain' temporarily. Gohan gets angry like every 5 seconds! And attacking Frieza, the guy who destroyed the ENTIRE SAIYAIN RACE, as a 6-year-old, is not a good idea. And for Krillin? I'd understand if it was Piccolo, but Krillin? Who would get angry over him.........  
  
Anyway, time for the interview with myself!  
  
Einstein_006: Hello again, Me. Why do you think Gohan gets angry?  
  
Me: To get attention, of course! He really has an EVIL PLOT! When everyone turns their heads to him, the EVIL PERSON will kill them all, and Gohan will work with him to found the HOW I GOT ANGRY AND BECAME EVIL club. He sometimes fails, because when he gets angry HE ACCIDENTALLY POWERS UP AND KILLS THE EVIL PERSON, but that's just a minor setback.  
  
Einstein_006: ....... When Gohan grows up, do you respect his decision to marry Videl?  
  
Me: Of course! He gets the opportunity to beat up Mr. Satan without caring about the law!  
  
Einstein_006: When Gohan is a full-fledged adult, what job do you think he will be best fitted for?  
  
Me: I think he should become a professional anger treatment specialist. He has plenty of experience, even though he will probably end up starting the HOW I GOT ANGRY AND BECAME GOOD INSIDE club.  
  
Einstein_006: We are out of time. Please close with a statement.  
  
Me: Stop being so pissed off all the time, Gohan!  
  
Einstein_006: Thank you......er.......I think. Goodbye.  
  
Me: Goodbye! I recommend Dr. Gero for your troubles, Gohan. He'll help you, for sure!  
  
***You hear Dr. Gero saying "Time to become an android, Gohan." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That stupid FANFIC AUTHOR RECOMMENDED YOU!!!" You hear screams and yells, and then eerie silence.........***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
MUHAHAHAHAHHAHA! You loved that one, didn't you! No offense to Gohan meant, even though I do....er...mean it. Hehehehhehehe! Trust me, you'll like the next one! It's a surprise! 


	5. Special-You'll Never Guess!

Hello, again! Another, yes one more, issue of Goku, Don't! I told you I'd surprise you, and well, I'm the type of person who sucks at surprises. I've given so many hints! Even YOU could've figured it out, and that's saying something. Hehehehehhe! Please review, or at least say something. If you have an idea for a funny (Remember this one) and non-romantic (oh crap I suck at those, I usual make romantic moments look like you are at a show of Jerry Sienfeld or something) story. Well, enjoy, I know you'll understand this, if you don't, you SUCK! Oh yeah, I own everything but Dragonball Z! J/K, I own nothing!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Ahhhhhhhhh, my special issue. I have very few of these, so enjoy what I give you. LOL! I'll tell you what it is, I guess.......... Okay, it's about fan fiction of Dragonball Z! Not just any fiction, however. Those people who say "kinda funny" and "attempted humor" deserve "MAD FUNNY! READ IT!" However, people who say "Bulma/Vegeta get together fic" deserve "My story sucks, it is unoriginal, oh yeah, it sucks".  
  
Heheheh. This story is about get-together fan fictions. Some are respectable; I am reading this nice Gohan/Videl fiction, which, unlike other fictions of it's kind, it has action, a PLOT, and some kind of meaning besides "they got drunk, and woke up the next morning, not knowing what happened". Enjoy!  
  
Bulma/Vegeta get together fiction is getting WAY too popular these days. Who could think that just because Future Trunks is cool that these too are cool too? Come on, WE ALL KNOW BULMA IS EVIL! She is actually trying to update android 18 to become SSJ 1 billion (only to be beaten by Goku SSJ 1 billion ½), and then TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Then, she will join Gohan's HOW I WAS ANGRY AND BECAME EVIL club.  
  
And Vegeta. We all know he fakes that 'prince of the saiyains stuff. He is really a genius, SSJ 1 million (sadly not too close to Goku), and likes adding action to Goku's TV Show!  
  
So, joining the evil scientist and genius, angel Veggie is not a good idea. Vegeta DESERVES someone better. That girl in Bardock's crew would be nice, except SHE IS EVIL! She is actually going to be joining Goku in his PLOT TO DESTROY THE EARTH!  
  
And can you imagine that wedding? Vegeta in a TUXEDO! BULMA IN SOME SWEET WHITE GOWN! Bulma is like Gero; she should have a long white beard, and a computer she slaves over for years at a time. A dark, deep lab where no one--- I mean, Vegeta would be really nice with a nice girl like Videl, but his age, less aggressive, and less messed up.  
  
Okay, I've had enough with those B/V lemon fans. I hate those, and I don't want to find out what lemon is, nor what you do in it. They say NC- 17, so I gotta wait a few years...........  
  
Okay, for the second couple I will bash, let's do....hmmm....android 18 and Krillin? Yeah, that sounds good. Why did Krillin pick such an EVIL wife? I mean, we all know about her plan. She is going to HIJACK EVERY CLOTHING STORE, AND THEN KEEP IT IN A LARGE CAVE WHERE SHE WILL TRY ON EVERY PIECE OF CLOTHING. WHEN SHE GETS BORED, SHE WILL STRANGLE HERSELF WITH A VERY TIGHT TANKTOP!  
  
Android 18/Krillin get-together fictions suck. I once read one half way through, and when android 18 finally got to Master Roshi's house, I decided the story sucked and started reading one where Krillin and Goku kill each other in a fight! OH YEAH BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Oh yeah, did you know Cell is still alive? He actually put switched his body with 18's! So, Krillin is really married to Cell! He just hides his tail under his shirt! Of course, when everyone wasn't looking, 'she' absorbed Krillin. '18' just carries around a cardboard sign with an enlarged photograph of Krillin on it! Ever notice that Krillin doesn't move much! THAT'S WHY!  
  
Now, it's time to have the interview WITH MYSELF!  
  
Einstein_006: Yo, Me, I see you're back again to waste my time. So, why don't we see much of 18 during the Great Saiyaman Saga?  
  
Me: Of course we don't! She teamed up with her brother, and, with some Farmer Joe guy they found, they are going to RULE A MALL! They will take control over it, and everyone there will be part of their dictator ship! 18 will have so many clothing shops to choose from! And they will hop from mall to mall, and they're control will become greater! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!  
  
Einstein_006: Whatever. Is Vegeta fit for any job?  
  
Me: Prince of all Saiyains! Except, instead of being a prince, he will be queen!  
  
Einstein_006: The hell? Okay, does Chichi have a job?  
  
Me: No WAY! She forces Gohan to fight crime, and then steal the reward from the guy who was 'supposed' to stop the crime! And she also cons Bulma in to giving Gohan lots of Great Saiyaman outfits to sell on the black market!  
  
Einstein_006: Great! The response sucked, but who cares?  
  
Me: I do.  
  
Einstein_006: That wasn't the question, moron. 1 minute left, please leave us with a statement, Me.  
  
Me: Bulma/Vegeta fictions decay your brain!  
  
Einstein_006: You're answer just sucked hard. But now, I have to go home, there is a puzzle-cold beer, with my name on it! Goodbye!  
  
Me: Cya!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Oh yeah, that rocked! It is a little longer than my others, and also (I think) a tad bit funnier. I hope you enjoyed it! Next time is just another character, I think I'll do android 17, or Krillin! Goodbye! 


	6. Krillin-NOT A CUE BALL!

Hello again! Yes, I know you think I'm going nuts, but Goku, Don't is definitely a good fan fiction, well, it is according to my reviewers! Yes, thank you for reviewing, all of you. I'm glad someone likes my story........... Anyway, today I am going to do Krillin! Yup, the midget is finally here. He is 400% better than 18, but it's not like he's going to receive special treatment from me, I mean, he is just an anime character! ***Portal opens up, and I hear "WANNA BET ON THAT BUDDY BOY!"*** Okay, let's start this before Krillin rips me in half! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! I own nothing, except for that 0.00 dollars on the counter.  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Krillin is finally in Goku, Don't! ***Loud Clapping, and a high pitched whistle*** But, is Krillin really the part-time Z warrior and full- time funnyman? Let's find out!  
  
When a normal, average person thinks of Krillin, they think short, cue ball, funny, and cowardly, on some cases. Of course, considering my usual aspect of things, I think differently. Krillin is not a cueball! He is just a monk with a round, shiny head!  
  
And second, when was Krillin considered short? I mean, come on, he packs on at least 4 foot 6? Gosh, that's pretty good! When he first met Goku, he was nothing! He was a good 2 foot 2 there, and that's benefit of the doubt!  
  
Cowardly----***signals Gohan running away from the androids*** NO WAY IS MY MAN KRILLIN A COWARD! You may think that he was afraid of the androids, but he wasn't! He was taking note of how weak they were, to inform SSJ 1 billion ½ Goku! And that kiss, android 18 was just trying to distract Krillin so he wouldn't destroy her! You think that 18 was cocky? Krillin didn't want scare her off, he wanted to take a good look at her, just to SCARE HER!  
  
And of course, I have to discuss fan fiction about Krillin. Which moron would think that Marron (adult, not his kid you sicko) would be a good pair for him? She was torturing the poor guy. I have the videotapes of the episodes of Deadly Beauty and the 4 after and the 2 before. It shows scenes of Marron surfing, or whatever the hell she was doing; I don't really give a damn. She has like 50 other boyfriends. Yeah, 'he taught her what love really is'. Is that getting 50 other boyfriends and being OBVIOUS you're cheating on them all?  
  
Another thing about fan fiction, 18 and Krillin are not a couple! 18 just needed a house, and that kid........is well...........a puppet who Krillin makes move. Anyway, 18 and Krillin are not meant to be! They never got married, and they never will be. Of course, to spice up Goku's TV Show, he had to 'fake' he fell in love with her in such a dramatic way. And that was so fake, too.  
  
Plus, is Krillin funny? Let's take a look at one of his jokes, and see what we can come up with. "Gee, it looks like Vegeta has a severe case of hemorrhoids, or something." Consider this for a moment ***jeopardy music in the background*** Okay, what do YOU THINK? What a minute, I don't care what you think. Good points: Funny at first glance, breaks the tension, improves self-esteem. Bad points: WHAT THE HELL ARE HEMORRHOIDS? 10 YEAR OLD CHILDREN WATCH THIS SHOW, YOU EXPECT THEM TO KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS? HELL, EVEN I DON'T KNOW!  
  
You all know what I'm about to tell you, but here's the interview with myself!  
  
Einstein_006: Why do you keep bothering me, Me? Okay, okay, I'll interview you.............  
  
Me: YAY!  
  
Einstein_006: First question, if Krillin's head was on a billiards table, would it be suitable for use?  
  
Me: What do you think, EINSTEIN? Of course it would be! It's so perfectly round, and that silky smooth hair would keep the ball nice and smooth. It's like soft sandpaper!  
  
Einstein_006: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Okay, how did Krillin get his hair?  
  
Me: Well, it's a long story, but I'll tell it to you. First, Krillin decided to wait for 3 years for it to grow. After much patience, NOTHING HAPPENED. Then he decided to stop shaving it. That worked! The end.  
  
Einstein_006: Wow, you deserve an encore for such a scientific explanation. Where did Krillin get his money?  
  
Me: He let people touch his smooth head. When he grew hair, he had so many savings from that business, he didn't need to work anymore!  
  
Einstein_006: Okay, finishing part of this awesome business of mine, please leave us all with a closing statement.  
  
Me: Why does everybody think that Krillin married 18! She is a WITCH!  
  
Einstein_006: That's two, but what the heck! Goodbye!  
  
Me: Cya!  
  
  
  
  
  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Loved it, didn't ya? If ya didn't, say it in a review. If ya did, then say it in a review! If I say the word 'ya' one more time, I will go insane! Anyway, next time, I'll do android 17, or good old Vegeta! That Angel! Goodbye all! 


	7. Vegeta-Sweet Little Angel!

Why hello again! I see you're still interested in this story! Quite surprising, actually. Anyway, thanks to all the reviewers who reviewed my story, many thanks, I really do like it when someone reviews my story. I think I will do Vegeta today! Yeah, you think B/V, but I think differently.......... Heheehehehe, enjoy, and I OWN NOTHING YOU EVIL PEOPLE!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, finally, we reach Vegeta. No, not the planet you moron. The person! The guy with the spiky hair, evil attitude! Okay, you know WHO I'm talking about. But is Vegeta the true arrogant, cocky, 'badman' of a prince? Let's find out!  
  
Vegeta isn't really arrogant, or cocky, or evil. He is really tender inside. You should have seen the valentine he sent Bulma, all covered with hearts....Oh yeah, I mean, Vegeta IS NOT EVIL, COCKY, ARROGANT, OR ANYTING OF THAT SORT! He is actually a sweet little angel. Of course, hanging out with Bulma is like a death wish! She ruined that wonderful man. He even sleeps with a cute little teddy bear, with a heart on it, and when he gets scared of either the thunderstorm or Cell, he just squeezes it, and it says "Don't be scared, as I am here!" in a sweet little voice.  
  
Of course, because Bulma and Frieza FORCED him to be mean, he didn't really have a choice. But inside, he has a heart purer than even Goku! He may not be SSJ1 billion ½, but he is still really strong! And when he is forced to say "Kakarot, you are such a fool", he means to say "Goku, you are my best friend in the whole world!"  
  
And Bulma. Why did he let himself get lured into her trap! She lured him into getting married, and then made a law that made sure that anyway named Vegeta married to anyone with the name Bulma Briefs with blue hair CANNOT GET A DIVORCE! Bulma is so evil sometimes, she is more evil than even Chichi-I'll get back to that later.  
  
We always must consider the fanfiction about Vegeta. "B/V get- together fic with a twist!" Now that is called plagiarism. Yeah, what's the twist again? Oh, so the gravity machine DIDN'T blow up! Bulma was 1 pound bigger than she should be! Vegeta trained without the gravity room on Sundays from 11:00 A.M. to----- I mean, how unoriginal is that! The main problem with all this is that Bulma and Vegeta DID NOT GET MARRIED VOLUNTARILY! They didn't even date! Bulma put a knife to Veggie's throat, and forced him to marry her. And being the kind-hearted person that he is, instead of breaking the knife, Veggie decided to accept and not hurt Bulma's feelings.  
  
Now, what would you do if everyone thought you were a meanie, when you were tender as freshly cooked ribs out of an oven? Vegeta is tortured so much, he goes to his room and cries the whole night away! And then always getting bad remarks, he is always getting bullied by the so-called 'heroic, brave, and good-hearted' Z warriors! Oh, if only he could stand up for himself. But alas, Goku always stands in the way and angers him more! That's why he always has to talk back and be mean! Bulma forces him to do it, plus, Krillin and Goku bully him! They should leave the poor guy alone. And when he killed himself to destroy Buu that's when he finally cracked and decided to end it all! Veggie's life is so dramatic and full of angst...... ***sniff sniff***  
  
But, it's finally time for the interview with myself!  
  
Einstein_006: Oh great, it's that Me fellow again. Okay, I shall ask the questions. When Vegeta dies after almost destroying Buu, does he go to heaven, or that other place?  
  
Me: Heaven you dummy! That Yemma guy knew he was so good inside, he decided to let him into heaven! HFIL is for infinite losers, like Krillin, Goku, and Trunks! Wait, Bulma should go to HFIL too!  
  
Einstein_006: What the hell.......Okay, is Vegeta evil?  
  
Me: No way! He has a plot of joining all the people of the world to end world peace, poverty, and war! He wants to join the club of I LOVE TEDDY BEARS! He wants everything to be happy and bright, to be earning lots of money, and have a big, HAPPY, family. However, Bulma denies him all of these wonderful things.  
  
Einstein_006: Last question, how does Vegeta keep his hair up?  
  
Me: His hair has to stay on end, because he is constantly of being bullied by Goku, or forced to do something EVIL for Bulma!  
  
Einstein_006: Wow, you are getting pathetic. Last part of this interview, please leave us all with a GOOD statement!  
  
Me: Veggie is such a little angel!  
  
Einstein_006: Oh crap, you're losing it. Well, Goodbye, and don't bother me again, you freak!  
  
Me: You're mean! Well, goodbye, I guess.......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
HAH! You thought I hated everyone, didn't you. Well, you were wrong! I really do think this! And what now, I can be funny while still making someone, a sweet angel who takes part in plays, and likes to have picnics, and....Okay, maybe I am losing it. Anyway, next time I will FOR SURE do android 17! And if I don't, and you don't like that, SCREW YOU! Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, every multiple of 5 is a special issue. Basically, 5, 10, 15, 20, etc. Goodbye, for now! 


	8. Android 17-Bad Fashion Sense!

Oh, hello there. And you are still into this blasted story? AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Okay, calm down, 006, calm down...... Aight, thanks to all my reviewers! You are so kind! Anyway, I've received several reviews saying whom I should do next. I got 17, Kibito, Supreme Kai.... Those are a lot of answers, but I will do 17 today. Fear not, I will do the old guy and Mr. Shorty together in one issue, but that's for later, maybe a special....... Enjoy my story! Oh yeah, I OWN NOTHING YOU THIEF! DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO SUE ME NOW! ***Evil laughter in the background***  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, good old android 17. He's quite the character, wouldn't you say? I wouldn't. HE IS A PHYSCHOPATH WHO IS EVIL, A MANIAC, AND DESERVES TO GET HIS HEAD RIPPED OFF BY A STRAY BARBER!  
  
Remember the fight between Angel Veggie AND THE WITCH 18? Well, 17 just had to throw in the remark "That's what I like. DESTRUCTION!" Well, if you like destruction, try destroying other stuff! I mean come on, that paper clip driver deserved MERCY! And why do you like destruction, may I ask? Well, I asked 17 myself, and here's his answer: "That Gero meanie person made me SCRUB CELL'S CONTAINER! THE HORROR, THE HORROR! ***starts to sob***  
  
And how did they figure that he is 18's twin brother? Brother is good, but twin brother? You can't just give two people a similar hairstyle, give them an undying hate for humans, and call them twins! And are they organic? I can almost see it, Krillin is kissing 18, and then suddenly, he feels this giant gear, and 18 transforms into-yeah, I think you catch my drift, whatever that means. 17 is so mechanical, it's unreal! His hair, that is SO wiring. I think I recall seeing him get his hair 'frayed' by Piccolo......  
  
And I've heard stories of Android 17 going into Super 17 sometime in Dragonball GT (Dragonball Ga-Tang). What is up with that? And I've seen pictures too. There is absolutely NO REASON to make him look like a freakish dude who got plastic surgery from a drunken radiologist!  
  
And especially, ESPECIALLY, I LOVE 17'S CLOTHING! Whoever heard of green socks? Yes, they do exist, I would really like a pair, in fact. But why try to make some evil android look gay (happy you idiot, HAPPY!) by wearing green socks? If I didn't know he was an android, I would think he was going to sing Christmas carols or something!  
  
And that scarf thing. Do you really need it? Is it that cold outside in the middle of May? Do androids get cold? So many questions to be answered, just because 17 is trying to degrade his fashion sense by wearing a scarf in the middle of summer! And no, I'm sorry to tell you, IT IS NOT A BANDANNA! You wear it on your head, like Bardock! Even though it makes you look like a New York City mugger or something....  
  
And of course, it's time for the interview with myself!  
  
Einstein_006: ME, WHY DO YOU BOTHER ME SO MUCH! AAAAAAAAAARGH! Fine, I'll ask the questions. Does 17 come back when the Z fighters wish back everyone who was killed by Cell?  
  
Me: No, because the dragon felt that it was a good thing that Cell had a feast on 17! And he wasn't killed by Cell, he was just compacted to fit inside his body!  
  
Einstein_006: I've never seen someone 'compacted' who was alive, but let's leave that aside. Does 17 have NATURAL black hair?  
  
Me: If you count making it raven colored with some wet tar.  
  
Einstein_006: You have become an imbecile. Is 17 organic, mechanical, or an actual human being?  
  
Me: All of them, in fact. 17's head is purely mechanical. His body is a part of some Farmer Joe guy he teamed up with to rule all malls, but that's beside the point. And of course, his left pinky on his left arm is all human being! That's why he lost to Piccolo, he broke his poor little pinky.....  
  
Einstein_006: Okay, we are running out of time before you go nuts, but I suspect you already have. Leave us with a statement, and then LEAVE FOR GOOD YOU ANNOYING LITTLE BRAT!  
  
Me: YOU SUCK EINSTEIN, THAT'S MY STATEMENT.  
  
Einstein_006: It has to be about Dragonball Z, Me.  
  
Me: Fine then, 17 IS AN EVIL MANIAC WHO IS GOING TO TEAM UP WITH BUBBLES TO RULE THE EARTH!  
  
Einstein_006: RUN AWAY EVERYONE! HE HAS OFFICIALLY GONE INSANE! UM, OH YEAH, GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Me: Good Day Sir!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay, I was excited when I was writing this one. I think you can tell, hopefully. Did you like that one? Hopefully I am answering some people's requests for an android 17 issue of Goku, Don't! IF you have any suggestions for my next column, tell me in a big, BIG, review! I want to do the Supreme Kai and Kibito for my special on my 10th issue of Goku, Don't!, but I have no idea who to do for my 9th issue! I'm thinking one of the human fighters or Chaotzu. Goodbye! 


	9. Chichi-FRYING PAN MANIAC!

Why hello, yet again! Once again, I must thank all my reviewers, you are all so kind. I have gotten QUITE a few reviews saying which character I should do for my 9th issue. I canned the human fighters and Chaotzu, because I've gotten many suggestions. There's Piccolo and Chichi, as I see it. I got a suggestion of Piccolo, and a request of Chichi. Since that person requested Chichi, and not just suggest her, I'm going to do Chichi. BUT FEAR NOT! PICCOLO IS GOING ALL THE WAY IN ISSUE 11! Enjoy this issue, and I OWN NOTHING.  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
"Oh, Chichi, we have finally reached your humble throne of the fan fiction realm. We shall humbly bow to you, and beg for our very lives. Please show us mercy!" "Well, DID YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?" "No, I'm sorry m'lady, I didn't........." "Well DIE!" ***slashes the poor guy's head off with a sharp frying pan***  
  
Now, here's how I see Chichi. Wanting education, showing no mercy to those who don't appreciate it (luckily Goku is SSJ1 billion ½, he would be done if he wasn't), the best cook in the world, a very aggressive person, but a very all-a-round person.  
  
Of course, to be funny, we must look at Chichi's bad points before looking at her good points. First, she wants SSJ10 million Gohan (above Angel Veggie, but below Evil Kakarot!) to have a good education. yeah, my mom wants me to have a good education too. But Chichi performs CHILD ABUSE! A remark from Deadzone, I heard was "Wow, they really live that long underground? Must be a hard life" from Gohan. Now, of course, we all know he was covering himself from getting shot at from Chichi's Deluxe Frying Pan Thrower 3000. What is that, you say? I may have to do an inventory article soon...............  
  
Anyway, Gohan deserves much better. He would be better off living with Hercule, so he could constantly beat him up at practice with him! And Hercule couldn't tell him off, because then his whole "I defeated Cell and I am the strongest in the world" title would go away in a heartbeat!  
  
Back to Chichi. I heard from some of my more 'into Dragonball Z' friends, that Chichi fought Goku in the World Martial Arts Tournament, and they got married after that. WHY LIVE SUCH A HORROR? We all know that Chichi is secretly SSJ Infinite.  
  
Goku should have run his SSJ1 billion ½ self away from there ASAP! But of course, he would have to pay the price of being hit at by Chichi's Deluxe Frying Pan Thrower 1000, as it wouldn't be upgraded from more hardcore use, well, until Gohan came along and Chichi needed all the power she could get!  
  
And Chichi is of course EVIL! She has a plot, of replacing every known inanimate object in the entire universe to look like a GIANT HALF FRYING PAN, HALF TEXTBOOK! The world will be in shock! The car's, the sun, the earth, even frying pan's themselves will be transformed! Oh no, it's starting, my mouse is turning into a stainless steel math book that can cook bacon! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
***5 minutes later*** Whoops, quite a funny day dream I had there, heheheheheheheh. Anyway, onto Chichi's good points!  
  
First, I think Chichi is a very good housewife. Even though all she does 24/7 is clean, cook, tell Gohan to study, to laundry, tell Gohan to kill Ickarus, wash the tables, go shopping, tell Gohan to start his new math book, she is not that bad! She only mentioned Gohan 3/8 times! SO, half the time she is telling Gohan what to do, while the other half of the time she is doing something only a moron would want to do. So that makes Chichi a moron, then! Okay, so she has no good points! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHA!  
  
On to the interview........with..........it's different this time...........ME! I am interviewing ME TODAY! NOT MYSELF, ME!  
  
Einstein_006: Oh, I'm quite happy to see you again, me. That psychiatrist really did the job, didn't he?  
  
*** Has a goofy smile on his face, and his eyes are rolled back*** Me: Yeah, well, my brain looks good. Oh, how are you Alex, yes, I'm happy to be on jeopardy! Yes, I'll spin that wheel for you, even though the price is.......$1249.00!  
  
Einstein_006: Oh gosh, who did I send you to again?  
  
Me: Some guy with spiky black hair, who ate a lot of stuff.  
  
Einstein_006: Great, Goku did take up that job....... Okay, well, we have to have an interview, so on with the first question! How long is Chichi's hair?  
  
Me: Well, you see, she is da SSJ3 Cell, and ya know Veggie really likes her hair down to da knees, and da Gohan thinks dat da hair is actually to her, him, her, him, her waist, but it really is da shoulder part where it stops lengthening da-----  
  
Einstein_006: Okay, we've heard enough. Wow, Goku must've gotten you pretty drunk. I actually feel some pity...... Second question, what is Chichi's eye color?  
  
Me: Da purple is da near da black colorage funk da blue is da red yellow, da black da eye color da Chichi da frying pan!  
  
Einstein_006: Okay, I have to ask this last question QUICKLY BEFORE MY BRAIN TELLS ME TO RUN. Does Goku deserve harsh treatment from Chichi?  
  
Me: Da Goku dunno deserve dat harsh ga-tangish treatment dat raven woman dat name Chichi dat give him dat frying pan dat has meal on it. Dat Goku don't deserve dat treatment very much dat so!  
  
Einstein_006: Wonderful! Last part of this dangerous job, please leave us all with a statement!  
  
Me: Dat Chichi is da woman dat make dat frying pan hit dat head on dat person who is me.  
  
Einstein_006: Oh god......... Okay, I think I'll make you just like you were, by using Bulma's time machine, and simultaneously saving the earth from Chichi! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAH! Oh yeah, um, goodbye!  
  
Me: Goodbye dat smart one dat name Einstein_006!  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay, I just had to have that end part. I'm getting sick of my author side insulting my person side, so I had to make the interview a little twisted. But fear not, I AM STILL SANE! My person side is just a little drunk from Goku, but with my magic cricket Gregory and his sidekick Pan's cousin's niece's grandma's uncle Cabbage the 3rd! Oh yeah, next time I'm doing Kibito and the Supreme Kai, and then probably Piccolo and then Goten, and then Pan. Quite a long list, but I'll get it done! Goodbye! 


	10. Special-Oldie and Shorty!

Why hello! I'm quite happy to see you have arrived for.......MY 2nd SPECIAL OF GOKU, DON'T! I'm so excited! First, I must thank all my reviewers, even those who first reviewed, for spending some time to read my story, and some other time to review it. Thanks! Anyway, for this special, I've decided to do Kibito and the Supreme Kai. To the untrained eye, they are just side characters. But to my eye, they are professional LOSERS! Heheheheheheheh! Enjoy this issue, and I OWN NOTHING!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Ahhhhhhhhh, the Supreme Kai, and his awesome sidekick, Kibito! They have no plot to destroy the world, no vendetta against anyone, and they're not especially kind and gentle like good old Veggie. So why did Funimation put them in? TO ENTERTAIN US, THAT'S WHY!  
  
Kibito first: He is what I call, OLD! I was watching the international channel on Sunday to check out the Japanese version of Dragonball Z, as they are showing a part of the Buu saga that I haven't seen, the part where Goku goes SSJ3 (nothing compared to his top SSJ1 billion ½). Now, you may say I have no life. That's true enough. But, Kibito tried picking up the 'Zet' sword, some mystical sword which A TOTAL MORON DECIDED TO STICK RIGHT INTO A HRD ROCK. I know why Kibito couldn't pick up that sword, and Gohan could. Because KIBITO BROKE HIS HIP!  
  
Yes, Kibito is way too old. Either he got a facial from an escaped prisoner from an asylum, or he is just PLAIN OUT OLD. Yeah, I'm SURE he is as strong as Perfect Cell. Man, my grandpa could give him some trouble! Kibito would break his back and lose feeling through out his entire upper body if he even TRIED to fight Chaotzu!  
  
And Kibito just had to pick out the best dress IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. HE had a selection of every piece of clothing in the universe, and he picked that. WHAT KIND OF A BRAIN DOES HE HAVE? NOT ONLY IS HE OLD, HE IS LOSING HIS MIND, HIS SANITY, AND HIS INTELLIGENCE!  
  
Now, to consider the Supreme Kai or as I like to call him, Sup-Kai. Of course, he is part of a heavy metal rock band that consists of several very strong midgets. Those earrings make it so obvious he goes to all those rock concerts, he is probably head guitarist of his own band, SUP KAI AND THE MIDGETS!  
  
And the Supreme Kai also FAKES all that 'Majin Buu' stuff. You think Majin Buu is REAL? What's wrong with you? He just wanted to get a kick out of the Z fighters trying to fight a clay blob he made in 5 minutes at art class. I mean, all those inhuman screams the Saiyains use to go Super Saiyain, they were all tape recorded to put in Sup Kai's new album INHUMAN SCREAM!  
  
So, the two of them together form BROKEN HIP MAN AND SUP-KAI, PROTECTORS OF THE UNIVERSE FROM THE CLAY BLOB, MAJIN BUU! They are like super heroes. I'll give you an example of them saving a city from destruction from the evil Majin Buu!  
  
***Juipafilahfj City, 9:00 A.M.***  
  
"Oh no, it's the evil Majin Buu. Run for your lives! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" "Fear not, for BROKEN HIP MAN AND SUP-KAI have arrived!" "Yes, they are finally hear. Hooray!" The crowd cheered wildly, as BROKEN HIP MAN, dressed in his usual crappy clothes, and SUP-KAI, with his heavy- metal rock band earrings, and his white hair dyed orange, purple, blue, and red, arrived at the scene.  
  
"You will die, Majin Buu!" said BROKEN HIP MAN in a loud voice. "Take this!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" BROKEN HIP threw all of his broken bones at the deformed art project, but Majin Buu just deflected them with his Dabura cookie. He ripped of his arm, and threw it at BROKEN HIP!  
  
"Oh no, I have broken my hip! The agony! Oh no, I think my back's going! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Never fear BROKEN HIP, as I will defeat this vile fiend! Take this piece of heavy metal I got from the rock band, it weighs 50 tons! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Majin Buu tried a Babidi Supreme Brownie Block, but in vain. The metal sliced the brownie in half, leaving the chocolate to ooze out.  
  
"You killed Babidi, SUP-KAI! Take this!" Majin Buu melted himself into a ball, took 5 to let himself harden, and then threw himself at SUP KAI! But SUP-KAI was prepared! He got ready for his final move. With a great swing, he throw his heavy-metal guitar, which weighed at least 100 tons, at Majin Buu. The metal destroyed the monster. But not forever! Only for about 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years!  
  
"Until next time, Buu. MUAHAHAHAHAHHA!" said SUP-KAI in an evil voice. He picked up BROKEN HIP MAN, and they flew back to their home planet, so BROKEN HIP could exercise his back by trying to lift the Zet sword.  
  
*** Back to Goku, Don't! ***  
  
You see? Kibito and the Supreme Kai are really super heroes. But wait! It's time for the interview with myself! YAY!  
  
Einstein_006: Why hello Me. I see that my own therapy worked a lot better than Goku's. You are back to your old self, who though I hate, is much better than 'my-favorite-word is-dat', you.  
  
Me: I'm glad to be back!  
  
Einstein_006: Good, very good. Anyway, on with the first question. How old is the Supreme Kai?  
  
Me: He is really 100 years old. His gender, the OLD PEOPLE race, age much faster than us humans. In fact, if a human were to age just to look like him, they would have to be like a bazillion years old.  
  
Einstein_006: Great, you're answers have once again become dumb. Okay, how tall is the Supreme Kai?  
  
Me: 400-½ akjglakjgajg's. And no comment.  
  
Einstein_006: I'm glad to hear there's no comment, you're freaking me out. Okay, are BROKEN HIP MAN AND SUP-KAI good as a team?  
  
Me: Well, if you read the other part of this article, you would know. THEY ARE NOT! SUP-KAI just watched as BROKEN HIP MAN'S back went out. If I were him, I would've helped him up, and then threw him at Majin Buu to finish him off!  
  
Einstein_006: You are very cruel. Please close with a statement.  
  
Me: Kibito and the Supreme Kai seriously need a better day job than playing super hero all day. That's West Kai's job!  
  
Einstein_006: Well, at least you have fully recovered, and are back to your regular, but insolent, state. Goodbye!  
  
Me: Cya!  
  
  
  
  
  
DID YOU LIKE IT? I liked it. A much longer issue than the rest, mainly because this is a special, and it's called that BECAUSE IT IS SPECIAL. Anyway, next time I'm going to do a villain, THEN Piccolo, then a villain, THEN Goten, then Pan, and I'll have to think about who I'll do after that. If you have any suggestions or requests, SAY IT IN A REVIEW! I DON'T POST MY E-MAIL ADDRESS FOR VARIOUS REASONS! Goodbye! 


	11. Frieza-IQ of 0!

Why hello again! Thanks to all my reviewers, you are all so kind. I decided to screw EVERYTHING I told you about the order of chapters I'm going to do. I'm going to do 'the villain saga', or as you may put it, chapters 11-15 will be about the villains. Here's how it goes, these are the villains, BUT NOT THE ORDER THEY WILL BE DONE IN! Cell, Frieza, Buu, and the Saiyains! For the 16th chapter, I might do another 'villain' saga with all the villains from Dragonball. Well, it really depends on what you say in your reviews! The special will be a surprise villain-or villains. HEEHEHEHEHEH! For today, I will do Frieza. Enjoy, and I OWN NOTHING!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Frieza, the tailed monster we all know today. But he is a villain, he is NOT an angel like good old Veggie, and frankly, he is not very intelligent. Come on, do you think he has some kind of brain? I think he is all muscle, or as Goku should have proclaimed it to be after going SSJ (already SSJ1 billion ½, though he wanted some action in his TV Show), 'useless yet evil fat'.  
  
If one wants to be a villain, one must have an IQ above 0, or be a merciless, ruthless killer. Frieza picked the latter, and easier, choice. Out of all the bodies and POWER his incredibly smart scientists could have picked, they picked THAT robotic body. The smart thing to do? Maybe put some Saiyain blood in him, so he could become a Super Saiyain and work Goku? Maybe track Goku down and kill him before he WOULD reach planet Yardrat or something like that? But no, Frieza took the hard way out. A smart person would take the easy way out, but being the person that he is, Frieza decided to take the hard-way out instead of the easy one, as his intelligence was below choosing which way was easier and which was harder.  
  
And Frieza was also below CHOOSING WHOM TO KILL. Hmmmmmm, his choices were kill Krillin, a weakling who is not CLOSE (only in the show, Krillin is really SSJ5 million) to Frieza's power level, Gohan, who has the possibility of reaching his own level in around SIX YEARS. Piccolo, who will take a while to reach his own level, and Goku, who had almost enough rage to get the power to defeat him. And whom did he pick? I would take out Gohan and Goku simultaneously to stop the threat of either one getting angry and having a huge power burst, then Piccolo, and THEN Krillin. Frieza, who would he pick? THE STUPIDEST CHOICES ON EARTH! Piccolo and Krillin! Okay, so he tried killing Goku, but he killed Piccolo. SO, YOU KILL GOKU WITH A SECOND SHOT. And then Frieza kills Krillin, AND risked letting Gohan get angry and hit the mother-load of energy.  
  
And what was Frieza thinking trying to kill Bardock? He MUST have known that Bardock is actually SSJ1 billion (Goku just a bit ahead of him), not only in real life, but IN THE SHOW TOO! Unfortunately, Bardock made the decision of letting Frieza live, and getting a bigger paycheck from Goku for adding the drama of Planet Vegeta getting destroyed. More money, letting Frieza live long....... I don't think such an EVIL BEING like Frieza should even be let to live another second, especially if he is SO INCREDIBLY EVIL!  
  
And now, we must discuss fan fiction about Frieza. I only do this about characters who get good, weird, way too many, or just plain out SUCKY stories. I've seen Frieza raping Vegeta (thankfully the summary told me it was a rape), Frieza/Bulma (again the summary), even Frieza and a made up character (It's actually the aftermath where the main character, a woman, lives with Goku, and rebuilds her life. Quite a nice fic, and still PG-13). First for the rape. I've never read one, MAINLY BECAUSE I'VE HEARD IT'S UGLY AND WRONG AND I THINK IT'S ILLEGAL BUT TELL ME IF IT IS OR NOT, I'M NOT SURE. I'm against ALL rape stories, even if Frieza is getting destroyed piece-by-piece. Frieza has a low IQ, but only people with a high IQ can make a conscious decision to rape someone. Frieza would probably run around with a dictionary trying hard to look up the word, but end up looking in the Z section.  
  
Vegeta/Frieza is also impossible. You could put a second chapter just stating HOW OOC that story was, and I wouldn't believe you (tell me what OOC stands for, I've been wondering for a while!). Vegeta hates Frieza with a passion; he would probably just fake it, and then power up a FINAL FLASH and blow Frieza not to the next dimension, but to like the 77th dimension.  
  
Frieza/Bulma is so stupid, Bulma would have to kill herself and quit Goku's TV show. Bulma is smart; she would call for help, or kill herself. And plus, Goku would be so angry, he would go SSJ10 Trillion (only a bit below SSJ Infinite), and blow the heck out of Frieza, and rescue Bulma.  
  
Yes, I know this might make the 11th chapter a little dark, but I had to include this, I just can't let THESE EVIL AND PHYSCOPATHIC AUTHORS GET AWAY WITH THIS! I WILL GET REVENGE, SOMEHOW!  
  
But now, it's time for the interview with myself!  
  
Einstein_006: Oh, why hello Me. I decided to see A REAL therapist, I now do not hate you. Though I will still insult you because it ups my self-esteem, I do not hate you. Just had to get that out in the open.  
  
Me: Yes, we all know. I would also like to say that-  
  
Einstein_006: Yeah, okay, you can shut up now. First question, where did Frieza's tale come from?  
  
Me: You see, he traveled back in time to 1770. He had someone make a perfectly nice tale, and then stick it to where tails usually go. It had expertly made metal from a blacksmith, but bendable and stuff. He went back to the present, but decided the tale sucked. He had his secretary build one in 1 minute, and stuck it on where tail's go.  
  
Einstein_006: Time travel? He must have been a good friend of Future Trunks. What IS Frieza's body?  
  
Me: He is actually purely organic. He doesn't need air, but he needs uranium and 311 degrees steel pumping throughout his left hand. His own body grows his outside metal covering.  
  
Einstein_006: WOW! That's all I'm going to say. Wow. Last question, what is Frieza's power level?  
  
Me: 123 agkajglkajglkajg, equal to 473 aagjlkfkmpppppppllljjkgheqwe. If you don't understand these terms, then too bad. MUAHAHAHAHAH!  
  
Einstein_006: Of course I understand, who wouldn't........? Please leave us with a statement.  
  
Me: You spell Dragonball Z like this! D-R-A-G-O-N-B-A-L-L-Z! YAY!  
  
Einstein_006: Wow that totally describes the poetry of Frieza's demeanor. WOW! Goodbye, you have made my day!  
  
Me: Cya!  
  
  
  
  
  
What did you think of that? Funny? Of course. PLEASE REVIEW! And don't blame me for the rape part. I HAD to include that, it does darken the mood, but it's just necessary, because rape is wrong, ugly, and illegal (I think, tell me in a review). Just had to say that. Goodbye till next time, with another villain (note I didn't say who)! 


	12. Majin Buu-Cute Pet!

HELLO ALL! Thanks to all my reviewers, you are kind for sharing your time with my story. Okay, for today we have the second installment of The Villain Saga! Today, we shall do...... Majin Buu! YAY! Funny or not, they're aren't many good fics with him being the main character/topic! But too bad you Buu haters, he's hitting up with Piccolo on my favorite characters list! So HAH! Anyway, enjoy, and I OWN NOTHING! One more thing: read my other stories, they are funny and good too, plus THEY HAVE A PLOT! They're not like this one which doesn't have a real 'story'!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Don't you all love Majin Buu? I myself think of him as tied with Piccolo for my favorite character. First, because he is so CUTE! He's like a little baby! Babidi FORCES him to be evil! And when Piccolo kills him, he wants to be good again, but then Vegeta busts out and self-destructs to try to kill him! Who wouldn't that anger? And second, because I have so many theories about him, it's not even funny. Actually it is.  
  
Buu is so CUTE! Forget having a dog, let's pick-up a MAJIN BUU! He looks so nice to play with, and imagine the puppy dog eyes he could make. It's just the kind of charm babies have; they're not the most beautiful things in the world, but you just love them. I could imagine the commercial for him.......  
  
*** Commercial in my mind, very hazy and misty, and then announcer is speaking ***  
  
"Would you like to come home with an F- and still be happy? Would you like to be protected from that SSJ3 bully at your school? Do you want to feel safe when that meanie with spiky hair self-destructs? Well, Majin Buu is for you!"  
  
"Yes, definitely Rob, the sales analysts say that-" "That's great Bob. Anyway, Majin Buu will gives wonderful hugs and he is a very loving and sweet animal! Though evil wizards create him, we have one in prison ready, named Boggody, Bibidi's grandson. And Buu can even stop SSJ3 bullies! And he can live through self-destruction from someone who is SSJ2 ½! And he is so kind, gentle, and honest, he is selling himself to you, for only $10.00. And this isn't taking-an-animal-out-of-a-home-and-selling-him- on-the-black-market, this guy can speak! He wants to help people, and make life joyous and wonderful for all! There are not many of his kind now, but we will soon have plenty to go around! Please call us at 1-800-MAJIN-BUU-IS- VERY-KIND!  
  
*** End of commercial ***  
  
And I would buy Buu! He would be so kind! He will probably give me bigger hugs, because I get A+'s on my tests (no bragging intended; you are all very smart people)!  
  
Time for theories! Well, Me has one theory, and I have one. So I will ask Me in his interview later, and I will state mine now.  
  
MY THEORY is that Majin Buu is actually an art project! But not Sup- Kai's! The modern one is actually a screwed up clay model of the Pokemon, Ditto (and I don't like Pokemon, sorry). They tried to make him do stuff, but all he did was sit there, pick flowers, be aggressively nice, and- well, you get the picture. So, they sent him off to space, where Bibidi found him! Bibidi was SO mean to him, that Buu's heart turned cold and black, and the good seeped out slowly, into a little statue, which was so proud and happy, he became the statue of David. Buu stayed mean and angry until his demise, which Buu enjoyed, as he felt his torture consciously.  
  
But now, let's ask Me for his opinion! Time for the interview with myself!  
  
Einstein_006: Hello Me. Let's skip the chitchat. First question, what's your theory on Majin Buu?  
  
Me: He is a deformed, yet evil, pig from Farmer Joe. He got his idea for being evil when androids 17 and 18 came over to Joe, and they started a dictatorship of ruling malls.  
  
Einstein_006: That answer was so good, I will ask for only one more question. What is Buu's power level, IN DRAGONBALL Z TERMS!  
  
Me: Okay, okay, calm down man. You see, SSJ1 is 3000 khili's. SSJ2 is around 7000 khili's, because it's a little more than double SSJ1. SSJ3, however, is like 11,000 khili's, A LOT over triple SSJ1. Buu is stronger than SSJ3, but much weaker than SSJ4, which is 14,000 khili's. His power level is around 12, 000 khili's.  
  
Einstein_006: A very good answer. Leave.  
  
Me: With a statement, or the interview?  
  
Einstein_006: Both.  
  
Me: Okay, Buu is a very nice but not understood person!  
  
Einstein_006: Good, another excellent answer. And no sarcasm intended. Goodbye!  
  
Me: Goodbye!  
  
  
  
  
  
What the heck? Has Einstein_006 taken a turn for the good with Me? Or does he himself have an evil plot? Find out next time, on The Villain Saga of Goku, Don't! Goodbye, and PLEASE REVIEW! 


	13. Cell-From Planet Yardrat!

Why hello! Thanks for the reviews! Yes, and the one reviewer that said "ure the loser, not trunks", I'm glad you donated to my review count. You're review I paid no attention to: I've made up a list of 'power levels based on reviews' (that's ALL Vegeta JR's idea, ALL!), and you have upgraded me from Chichi to Chaotzu. Thank you VERY much for your contribution. Anyway, today, I will do my next installment of The Villain Saga! Yes, please throw money, not flowers, just in case someone decides not to pay attention to my disclaimer and tries to sue me, gets a good lawyer, and wins easily. Enjoy, and I OWN NOTHING!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
1 By: Einstein_006  
  
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, Cell, what a wonderful character. Maybe with a different body AND less of a desire to destroy the earth could get him a few dates, with that charming voice of his. And, he may be powerful, but he is not NEAR Super Saiyain 2. Anyone can make themselves glow; I bet Krillin when he didn't have any hair could start glowing yellow with some kind of attack and look like a Super Saiyain! That's probably how Cell did it, with Krillin's cells.......... Oh, I'll ponder that later.  
  
Dr. Gero did not create Cell. It was actually someone called Mr. From- Planet-Yardrat. You see, one Yardrat, they have EXCELLENT technology. They taught Goku how to act REALLY ANGRY, because he would need it sometime later in the Buu saga, when Vegeta fought him.......... They didn't have the script of that part of Goku's TV Show, so they didn't have the EXACT time this would be happening. Anyway, Dr. From-Planet-Yardrat sent Cell to planet earth as a gift to Goku. It actually had a secret tape that told one how to become extremely angry, as the Yardratan's didn't know how angry Goku would have to get at the Buu saga, so they sent Cell just in case. Unfortunately, good old Cell decided to try it on SSJ1 ¾ Gohan.........  
  
And Cell grew up on planet Yardrat. He did not come from the future, neither did 'Future' Trunks. They actually enjoyed telling fantasy stories, and to have some fun they invented the whole 'android being sucked up into Cell thingy'. Didn't you notice the Lord of the Rings book sticking out of Future Trunk's pocket?  
  
Trunks is actually a Yardratan who disguised himself as a human. To be careful, though, he bleached his hair, and put a switch right under his shirt, where the sleeve ended. And when Trunks wanted to go 'Super Saiyain, he just flipped the switch, and BOOM! His hair went up like a crown of gold, and he was showing off some energy! He just stole the outer energy from Vegeta and Goku to make it look like he had a Super Saiyain's power level.  
  
And another thing: I AM SICK OF PEOPLE SAYING CELL HAS CELL'S FROM ALL THE WORLD'S FIGHTERS! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR HIS LITTLE JOKE WITH PICCOLO! HAH! YOU'RE ALL SO GULLIBLE! You see, Cell has lots of switches and buttons and all kinds of stuff on his body; they are all the darker green spots on his body! The flying one is the right on his hand. The 'use Wolf Fang Fist one' was on the root of Cell's tail, as that was a TRUE backup move.  
  
And with a nice, handsome face (human face) and a pretty decent body (human again) Cell could get a date. He has the charm, and his human side would easily extinguish the fires of hatred, unless Cell's father's ideas were to destroy the universe and go to the HFIL............  
  
I bet Cell would have his favorite GREEN (I wonder why) shirt, purple pants (why would he do that), and some flower, with annoying spiky little tops which Cell liked to destroy (that may remind me of Goku) for his first date. He would do great! A nice movie, then pizza, then home, then sleep........ Oh, I wouldn't know, I have never been on a date. Except for January 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th........ *** keeps going until December 31st ***. Yeah, those are all the date's I've been on!  
  
Anyway, time for the INTERVIEW WITH MYSELF! OR SHALL I SAY ME!  
  
Einstein_006: Oh hello Me. I decided to juke you last time; I still have an undying hate against you. MUAHAHAHAHAHHA!  
  
Me: You sound like King Kai.  
  
Einstein_006: I know, I impersonate him well. First question, how long is Cell's tail?  
  
Me: Fully unraveled, about the diameter of the earth. Cell really knows how to compact and then uncompact things very quickly.  
  
Einstein_006: Uncompact? Please use REAL words. Okay, is Cell very ungood?  
  
Me: Yeah, talk about using not-real words. Anyway, yes, Cell is evil, but not as much as Chichi and Bulma.  
  
Einstein_006: Please leave with a statement, I am still surprised from your intelligent answer last time you interviewed with me.  
  
Me: Cell is also a little tiny thing that you have lots of in your body! So you have lots of 'cells' in your body! HEHEHEHEEHH!  
  
Einstein_006: Wow, next interview we might have to have 4 question, due to the stupidity of that answer. Good Riddance!  
  
Me: Good.....riddance? I must look that word up! Where's that dictionary! Anyway, goodbye!  
  
  
  
  
  
HAH! Tricked you by saying 'has Einstein_006 taken a turn for the good' in my last ending part. Anyway, till next time, goodbye, and PLEASE REVIEW! 


	14. The Saiyains-Insane!

Hello! I don't really know if I got any more reviews, but thanks to all my reviewers! YAY! Today, I shall do......... the Saiyains! Yes, I know you're wondering what villain-or villains-I will be doing for the special, #15. Well, too bad, because you're not going to find out until then! Enjoy, AND I OWN NOTHING!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
The Saiyains include ONLY Mr. Rad Rapper A.K.A Radditz, Mr. Weggie Veggie A.K.A. Vegeta, and Mr. Napalm A.K.A Nappa. They are very misunderstood. THEY SUCK. Period. Yeah, AND DON'T YOU DARE LIKE VEGETA JUST BECAUSE TRUNKS IS HIS SON! HE MAY BE AN ANGEL, BUT HE STILL DESERVES NOTHING MORE THAN..... A TEDDY BEAR! HAH!  
  
We must discuss Radditz first. Yes, he is SSJ3. Hair doesn't NATURALLY grow that much. And I have "heard" that Saiyains don't need haircuts, as their haircut remains the same and doesn't grow their entire life. One question: HOW DID SOMEONE GIVE BIRTH TO A BABY WITH HAIR BIGGER THAN MY HEAD? Must've been a pretty powerful mother..... quite surprising, as she was Bardock's mate......  
  
And Radditz WAS NOT trying to kill Goku by pounding him with his foot! You see, the actual clip is Radditz insulting Goku and pounding his chest, threatening death. The REAL scene is that Goku had a heart attack, and Radditz was trying to revive him with his foot, as he had broken his own hands fighting Goku. Radditz even said "Oh brother, please don't die......... *** sniff sniff ***" But Funimation canned that beautiful work of art, and just refilled the sounds with their own 'original' lines.  
  
And Radditz is actual Krillin's grandfather. Krillin retained the a.) Stupidity b.) Shortness c.) Having the atmosphere of saying I-don't-know- where-I-came-from-either-so-don't-ask.  
  
And Radditz also had his own band Revenge of the Radish! Make that 'had'! He was thrown into jail for abusing the name of the radish! However, Radditz escaped from prison, and started insulting vegetable! He was then beat up by Vegeta. Radditz continued this streak with every vegetable, getting beat up by every Saiyain, until he reached........ Asparagus! But then, Vegeta appeared, having said he changed his name to Aspareegus. A major beating of Radditz ensued.  
  
I will not discuss Vegeta much, because his life was so dark and gloomy. In Frieza's playground, he always got wedgies, thus getting the name Weggie Veggie. Dodoria often pulled atomic wedgies on Vegeta, but he counteracted by destroying Dodoria one-hundred-cajillion-billion times. However, Frieza kept wishing him back with his Pegasus-balls! And every time he was wished back, Dodoria gave Vegeta a harder wedgie. After some time, Dodoria twisted Vegeta's underwear 50 times around his body!  
  
And Nappa enjoys fire. Napalm is not exactly a regular nickname, as it signals fire. Yes, Nappa secretly snuck off when Vegeta 'killed him', and let himself on fire. He told me himself (as I decided to check out the Vegeta/Goku battle myself) that it was a warm massage. Unfortunately, after a few minutes, he turned over and died. So I stopped lighting my hair on fire and left (DON'T EVEN TRY IT! IT'S COMMITING SUICIDE! GOD WILL SUE YOU FOR KILLING YOURSELF!).  
  
However, it's time for the interview with myself!  
  
Einstein_006: Hello Me. It's uncanny how much you resemble me. No, not you, ME! No, not the name ME, ME! AS IN MYSELF! Aaaaaaaaaaaargh..... Okay, first question is, did Vegeta ever have a different color hair than black?  
  
Me: Yes, purple is Vegeta's favorite color (mine too), so he dyed his hair purple. Unfortunately, his hair was so bright and colorful, no matter how fast he moved, you saw this big purple blur. So, he dyed his hair black. After waiting for a while, he stopped using the purple dye. Then he used black dye, and it worked!  
  
Einstein_006: You know Me, if you sent in an application to an asylum with your 'perfect' scores, you would get in for sure.  
  
Me: Really? THE ASYLUM WILL ACCEPT ME! OMG! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S LIKE GETTING ACCEPTED TO HARVARD! YAY!  
  
Einstein_006: Enough small talk, as it is impossible with you, Mr. Perfect- Scores-On-My-Asylum's. Though you got a 1600, you deserved a 1700. Anyway, what is the COLOR of Nappa's pupil?  
  
Me: You see, it is very round, like an oval. Nappa's mother, Sleeping, told him it was shaped like a cake.  
  
Einstein_006: Ya know, I shouted COLOR for a reason.  
  
Me: You did? I didn't hear anything, as I was too busy contemplating the poetry of the Ginyu Force's movements.  
  
*** Crickets chirping, and I am silent ***  
  
Einstein_006: You said that? WHOA! Okay, leave with a statement, I must lie down in a cold hot-tub, to contemplate-  
  
Me: Saiyain rhymes with Maiyain, which isn't a real word! YAY!  
  
Einstein_006: You are official a moron. Goodbye, please send in that application to the asylum.  
  
Me: Thanks for your recommendation, and goodbye!  
  
  
  
  
  
MUAHHAHAHAHAHA! Did you like that? Of course, no need to ask. Goodbye till next time, which will be a special! AND REVIEW! AND REVIEW! OH YEAH, REVIEW 50+ times! I'm trying to break 100 reviews with this story! 


	15. Special-The Henchman!

Hello! Thanks for reviewing! Wait, NO ONE REVIEWED! I might have to get angry. And when that happens, your favorite character gets bashed, smashed, and killed. Oh yeah, if you review now and say "so and so is my favorite character", but then say I'm a loser because I insulted him, he will die. Not just die, DIE! Like get shot 50 times. Or be detonated by a bomb. Okay, enough of that! I AM HAPPY NOW! YAY! I think I will do some special treats for you for the next few ones. But I don't know, it really depends on if you review. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH! Anyway, today is a special. Enjoy! AND I OWN NOTHING! DON'T SUE ME! OH PLEASE DON'T! Yeah, okay, I had to put an official disclaimer which was a little better than just I OWN NOTHING. That automatically made you conclude I am a homeless child, who somehow as a nice desktop computer and internet access, plus a TV to watch Dragonball Z. Trust me, I have a home, parents, a nice big brother, and lots of cool stuff.  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
We have reached the climax of the villain saga. They were some good times, some very good times... But alas, we must move on. But first, I need to have a special on them! And who else but their......... henchman!  
  
Yes, the Dragonball Z villains all have their share of henchman, just like in the James Bond movies. Cell HAD the Cell JR's, Buu had Babidi and Dabura, the Saiyains had the Saibamen, and Frieza had the Ginyu Force. However, there are very few fics on the henchman themselves, and not their evil bosses! But now, I will make a chapter on them! Expect a nice, long fic, as each group of henchman deserves a good 2 LONG paragraphs.  
  
We must start with the Cell JR's. They are very evil. But they are actually reincarnations of Cell himself. How did Cell do it? How does he just bring 7 of himself out of himself! They were at least about as big as say..... a 12 year old. HE HAD 7 12 YEAR OLDS IN HIMSELF! Plus Android 17 and 18? Impossible. He must have tricked us. You see, Hercule jumped in from behind in his super speed, and used mirrors to make it look Cell had several young children Cell's. But, since he is a computer genius (he actually has a power level of -2), he was able to make them move and stuff. He gave the Z team 20 billion Zeni each to make it look like they were getting pounded by mini-cell's. It was actually quite fun.  
  
So, the Cell JR's WERE actually Mr. Satan's (wow, which fool named himself after the devil) own trick. You see? A Cell Jr. is actually a synthesized warrior made out of the cells of lots of different warriors! He is actually just like adult cell! He can do kamehameha's too! And Gohan can kill a Cell Jr. in like 5 seconds! That's all a Cell Jr. is, a synthesized warrior...... *** continues on until his larynx is destroyed ***.  
  
We have now reached Babidi and Dabura. It's more like Buu is Babidi's henchman, but you are wrong! Buu is actually Babidi. Buu was actually released on Halloween. Didn't you see that giant pig walking around your neighborhood? That was Buu. The 'Buu' you see is actually captain Ginyu; he decided to switch bodies with a lone pig.  
  
And Dabura should SUE Hercule for copyright infringement. Having the last name of Satan was Dabura's idea first, as you can tell from his looks. And with a copyright, a good lawyer (a menacing picture of an acorn), and some luck, he could probably land a win. And with that 20 trillion zeni he would get, he could buy the HFIL and all that was within it; plus East Kai.  
  
We have now reached the Saibamen. What a depressed bunch they were! Must've been a drunk or something. Come on, only someone VERY DEPRESSED blows themselves up to destroy someone. And yes, that does include Chaotzu. And their colors, I would've preferred a nice bright purple, but NO, they had to pick a dull green. Saibamen are SAIBA (Say-buh), which means "a very cool person who is a dull green", and men. Men must've brought on the drunk look and depressing attitude, but what about the fact that they are powerful? That doesn't include men OR women. But it includes the snail, herbivores, and the duck-billed platypus.  
  
And how does one grow out of the ground and start walking, in like 5 seconds? One has to be both a plant and someone who was dumb enough to bury themselves under some field. THAT'S WHY THE SAIBAMEN ARE A DULL GREEN! BECAUSE THE GUY WHO IS THEM TURNED GREEN FROM LACK OF OXYGEN! And their plant parts is...... (Hmmmmmm, what body part shall I pick) their roots. That's why they self-detonated, they didn't want anyone to see that ugly root! Nasty!  
  
The Ginyu Force deserves attention. After showing off the fact that they were on Frieza's calendar of "swimsuit people who suck pretty hard at fighting", they did the awesome pose. I would've used instant transmission (learned it from Kibito), appeared behind the lousy bunch of fools, and blown them all to smithereens. HAH! I would've laughed like a maniac. I think I will now! *** Insert evil laughter here please ***  
  
Captain Ginyu is really 'Buu'. He switched bodies. However, that was not Buu in the first place. The Supreme Kai is just blind and won't admit he never saw Buu before. The real Buu is Babidi, and Babidi is just someone Sup-Kai heard of on Looney-Tunes: Outer World Version!  
  
Time for the interview.... with MYSELF! YAY! HOORAY! YIPPEE! HURRAH!  
  
Einstein_006: Why hello Me, I see you graduated from the Asylum.  
  
Me: It was way too easy for me. It was like little kid stuff! I mean, COME ON, cutting yourself up! I did that when I was two (This is a joke. DO NOT cut yourself up. It is wrong, and considered (I think) illegal. Just don't do it)!  
  
Einstein_006: Of course, I knew it. I knew it from the start. Anyway, first question, how many Cell JR's can Cell 'make'?  
  
Me: Well, considering the diameter of the earth, how hungry I am, and how old Plato was when he died, you can automatically conclude 10. A very round number indeed, if I must say so myself.  
  
Einstein_006: Wait, I think your IQ is rising from negative infinite. Nah, can't be. Anyway, what COLOR is Captain Ginyu?  
  
Me: Well, it is a light violet. His armor is actually a variety of colors. His scouter-  
  
Einstein_006: I think I am going to have a seizure! No, a heart attack! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Help me, help me! Oh yeah, pass the Bayer!  
  
Me: Bayer? Bay area? Oh sure, I'd love to go sailing. I'll meet you at the beach! Cya!  
  
Einstein_006: No! Fine, leave me. Bye-bye, faithful world.  
  
  
  
  
  
Is Einstein going to die? No way, then who will interview Me? Me? No, Me can interview himself, but I can. I? Yes, he was recommended in "The worst interviewers ever, reviewed with perfect tens! Joke Magazine!" Anyway, what did you think? REVIEW PLEASE! Goodbye! 


	16. Videl-Um, Devil? Why? OH WHY?

Hello all! Yup, I've decided to update! YAY! Anyway, people reviewed! Updating your story does wonders! AND PEOPLE, STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW I INSULT YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER! "#18 does this" and "18 rocks man" is getting sickening. I feel like I want to vomit at those moments. So be quiet! This fic wouldn't be funny if I didn't insult any character! Think about it! Enjoy, and I own nothing!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein-006  
  
YO WASSUP PEOPLE! Videl this time. Yup, I am a random kind of guy. Oh, did I tell you, I got a 100% on my social studies test! I mean come on, that was so easy! Wait, I'm on a tangent again… Anyway, time for Videl!  
  
Videl is actually the word "devil" scrambled up. Oh, I guess Akira was having some fun, and his originality dipped slightly. You could put something about Roman or Greek mythology about the underworld. That would be educational and fun. BUT NO, YOU HAD TO GO OFF ON YOUR OWN STREAK AND COME UP WITH YOUR OWN CRAPPY NAMES!  
  
Videl is the daughter of Mr. Satan. The thing I don't realize about this family, is that if Videl is "the devil", and Mr. Satan is Satan, what is the difference? Is it just a guy with schizophrenia, who actually does have 2 personalities that split into two different beings? Or are they going Kami style, and the devil got rid of his good… I mean bad… parts of himself? Who knows, only Toriyama and his screwed up friends at Toei Animation really know.  
  
And Videl has some nice pigtails. Yeah, nice to DESTROY. You see, there is actually a secret plot going on behind those pigtails! Videl's hair is uncanny to android 17's hair! So, she is his niece. However, she only married Gohan in the future to get him back for destroying Cell. What happened was, 17 was having a nice massage in the acids slowly churning up his body so he would fit very efficiently inside of Cell, when out of nowhere, Gohan comes in and destroys him! What's up with that! GOHAN HAS NO MANNERS.  
  
And I heard that Videl becomes a Great Saiyaman too. It's like a Saiyaman bargain sale, as Vegeta would put it. I can see the advertisement now, "COME BECOME A GREAT SAIYAMAN! NOW ONLY $19.95! WE'LL EVEN THROW IN A FREE SOUVENIER FROM THE SAIYAMAN FAN CLUB!"  
  
*** Camera zooms in on another room ***  
  
"Yes, we are the Saiyaman fan club! SAIYAMAN ROCKS! SO DOES GOHAN!SO STOP INSULTING HIM STUPID FAN FIC BOY! I'M GONNA-"  
  
*** Back to the story ***  
  
Whoa, that was close. I had that dreamy look on my face until that mob of crazed people started chasing me with signs that said "You are glue and we are rubber! Everything we say sticks to you, but everything you say rips our soft coating" I still don't get it.  
  
Anyway, back to Videl. Okay, forget the jokes, I'm gonna say it straight out. I'm not one to beat around the bush. Trust me, I don't stall. In fact, the last time I stalled was in 19910, when the racing car was invented. You see, the inventor was-  
  
Whoa, I'm stalling. Videl sucks really hard and I feel she should be kicked off the show and that Funimation should copy Piccolo 6 times, so that whenever you see him, you see 7 Piccolo's. That'll take the place of Videl, no doubt!  
  
Oh, and have you ever watched, on Sunday, the International Channel at 10:30 P.M.? That's in Japanese, but it's doing the Buu saga, so I watch it. Do you watch the commercials? If you do, you see Videl's "wicked" nice car, as my friend's like to put.  
  
That car is genius! It has flames running around it with the words SATAN on the sides. Of course, it's hard to miss the big Copyright 10 billion B.C., The Devil, A.K.A Satan Inc. Not to be confused with those losers who live on earth.  
  
But now, it's time for the interview with myself!  
  
Einstein_006: Great, it's you Me. I was expecting a nice, quiet visit from Bulma, but no, you just have to ruin my day. FINE, I'LL ASK THE QUESTIONS. SIT DOWN FOOL.  
  
Me: Are you sure you haven't been hanging out with Chichi lately?  
  
Einstein_006: What, why would anyone want to hang out with that Grandma? I heard she perfected her Deluxe Frying Pan Thrower to the 4000 level. That has heat and cold seeking! Anyway, what is Videl's last name?  
  
Me: Of course, it's Cerberus. You know the 3-headed dog? I heard about him at story-time in preschool.  
  
Einstein_006: That's nice. Okay, what would Videl's job be in the future?  
  
Me: Well, I would have to say the Scramble Game Thingymajiggy People Makers. They rock deeply.  
  
Einstein_006: That kind of made sense, but lets not try to figure out the hidden meaning, as I may scream and run into the cold snow like the last time I thought about it too much. Anyway, leave with a statement. Asking 3 questions is boring.  
  
Me: DRAGON DRAGON, ROCK THE DRAGON, DRAGONBALL Z! DRAGON DRAGON, ROCK THE DRAGON, DRAGONBALL Z! Toy, nuh, nuh, nuh, toy, nuh, nuh, nuh-  
  
Einstein_006: Oh dear god, or shall I say in my religion, oh dear Einstein. Um, goodbye.  
  
Me: DRAGONBALL Z! OH YEAH! CYA EINSTEINISM PAL!  
  
  
  
  
  
You loved my sound effects of the Dragonball Z song. I know you did, and so do you. Anyway, I am going random, so I may switch the review thing to the special, and make more characters. My mental health is now better, I checked it with a water bottle and Pojo's Unofficial Guide to Dragonball Z! Cya (don't ask, my Einstein part is nuts, listen to the 006 side)! 


	17. Tien-The Movie Producer!

Hi! Okay, I know I haven't updated in a while, it's just that I need a break. I got into the Dragonball Z Collectible Card Game! It rocks! Too bad I'm some lonely hermit with no friends…. No, it's just that I have February break from school, and I got into DBZCCG. YEAH, SCHOOL PEOPLE! I actually enjoy school, for your information. I'm going to go to Harvard! While you sit at home, DOING NOTHING! MUAHAHAHHAH! AND THEN I'LL BUY THE ATLANTIC OCEAN! HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Oh, shut up Einstein! 006 talking, time to start the show before Einstein kills me! EEEEEEEEEK! Enjoy, and I OWN NOTHING!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
YAY! A new episode. Today, we shall do Tien. Is that third eye really REAL? COME ON! They sold that at K-mart for $1.00 the last time I went there. It's interesting, because the eye doesn't move. It's as if Tien painted on his face for his own purposes!  
  
OMG! Of course, Tien must use that third eye for some diabolical scheme.  
  
*** Throws plans for android 6 ½ billion over to the corner. Sits down at table ***  
  
Yes, it must be! Tien is trying to be EVIL! When EVIL PEOPLE look at his third eye, they get distracted! He destroys them, and TAKES OVER THE WORLD! However, his attempts to go SSJ 1 billion ½ are often in vain! So, he uses his third eye to see more things! That way, he can play SSJ Goku dying against Cell AND Krillin dying against Frieza AT THE SAME TIME! OH YEAH, ANGER ALL THE WAY! Of course, Tien must be one of those rare ANGERISTS-WHO-TRY-TO-TAKE-OVER-THE-WORLD-WITH-MANY-EYES.  
  
And his clothes. Yes, Kibito was bad, but Tien is just horrible. A nice lilac T-shirt (the color of "Mirai no" (my new word of the year) Trunks hair) would go well with deep purple pants. And the shirt, it will say-. Um, never mind? Who ever picked out Tien's clothes for him in the morning! COME ON PEOPLE, EVEN TIEN DRESSES AS BADLY AS BULMA DRINKS COFFEE! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT!  
  
Tien is actually negative SSJ 6 trillion. In fact, his power level goes low SO FAR that it comes back around back to a HIGH POWER LEVEL OF NEGATIVE SSJ 6 BILLION!  
  
Tien's plot is just so simple. He is really an ANGERIST-WHO-TRIES-TO- TAKE-OVER-THE-WORLD-WITH-MANY-EYES, but he also has many side goals. LIKE BUYING A DECENT PAIR OF PANTS. WHO ACTUALLY PAYS ATTENTION TO THOSE THINGS. NO ONE, THAT'S WHO! MY FRIEND ME'S BEST FRIEND!  
  
That's why he must get some pants. I'll tell you a little story now, of Tien going to look for pants.  
  
Tien: Hmmmmmmmmmm, let's check "A PLACE THAT DOES NOT SELL PANTS" first! It seems quite bright and nice actually.  
  
Sales Lady: You want French/English translating books that are written in Spanish, converted by Russian SSJ 1 BILLION ½ GOKU? Wow, you sure are lucky, we only have 1 left.  
  
Tien: I'll take it! And Mr. Shirt said I couldn't get a decent pair of pants…  
  
Yes, Tien is a genius. That's why HE DECIDED TO ATTACK CELL, WHO COULD ONLY BE DEFEATED BY VEGETA SSJ 1 ½ (veggie was really SSJ 1 million, but I won't get into that). And the attack he used would be amazing… if he was a movie producer. I could just see it now….  
  
"Hmmm, let's see if this scene looks right. *** zooms in with magical triangle hand pose thingy-ma-jiggy *** "Ah yes, shoot the scene!"  
  
This moment would be magical (and Tien would become a zillionaire) if Tien didn't always use his energy attack when he zoomed in with his magic hands. Yes, in the scene, he actually detonated the liquid nitrogen he was storing in the stage's camera, and detonated half the earth. Luckily, the other half was next to Alpha Centauri.  
  
And now, drum roll please! *** no sounds come *** OH YEAH, I FORGOT TO PAY THOSE DRUM ROLL GUYS! Well, 11 year olds do run on quite a tight budget…. however, it's time for the INTERVIEW WITH MYSELF!  
  
Einstein_006: Long time no insulting, Me. I see you've ONCE AGAIN disturbed my awesome vacation.  
  
Me: Yes, I got drunk.  
  
Einstein_006: We know. Alcohol flows through your veins all the time, as you are a DRUNKALCOHOLICGUYWHOACTSREALLYDRUNK-inian.  
  
Me: I got drunk.  
  
Einstein_006: Okay. Wonderful answer. First question, who is Tien's best friend?  
  
Me: Chaotzu, indirectly. You see, it's like a friendship chain. Tien needs Krillin to be high best bro, so he can eat cookies. Therefore, Piccolo jumps in and is Krillin's best friend, because blonde/gold/yellow is Krillin's favorite color. Chaotzu is Piccolo's best friend, as Piccolo likes guys who kill aliens named Frieza and can turn into super saiyans. So, Tien is related to Chaotzu in a way!  
  
Einstein_006: I wish I hadn't said no profanity before the show. ANYHOO, who is Tien's dad?  
  
Me: Bojack.  
  
Einstein_006: Um, Bojack comes AFTER Tien is born.  
  
Me: I know, thus making him Tien's father.  
  
Einstein_006: Profanity. Why can't I use it. Last question, what is Tien's hair color?  
  
Me: I dunno.  
  
Einstein_006: You have to give a proper answer.  
  
Me: Okay, Tien's hair color is blonde like a super saiyan's, except purple like a Namekian's.  
  
Einstein_006: NO COMMENT. To wrap up this AWESOME and THRILLING interview, please say some kind of end line AND LEAVE ME ALONE!  
  
Me: Currently, Dragonball Z backwards is Z llabnogarD!  
  
Einstein_006: Currently? I am not going to ask. BADBYE ME, NOT GOODBYE, BADBYE!  
  
Me: Cheerio to you, too!  
  
  
  
  
  
Did you like it? Of course you did. LOL! I lost some of my normal reviewers, so I'm kind of sad that I'm not getting many more reviews. I am updating to spark some interest in this "column" once again. I MISS YOUR REVIEWS, CHICHIX! Oh well, let's forget her! She sucks! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Anyway, next time on Goku, Don't!, I'll do…. someone! GIVE SUGGESTIONS! AND REVIEW! EVEN ONE MEASLY REVIEW WILL MAKE ME WRITE ANOTHER ISSUE! Cya! 


	18. Reviews-Die Flamer, Die!

Hello all! I have not gotten anymore reviews! *** sighs *** Oh no, don' think I'm some fool trying to make you feel guilty. I was just…ANGRY last time. Heh. Anyway, I am getting sick of doing characters, so I have to take a break from it all. So I will just do ANYTHING I WANT. OF COURSE there will be a special- don't worry about that. Enjoy, and I OWN NOTHING!  
  
Goku, Don't!  
  
By: Einstein_006  
  
Today, I will talk about the art of reviewing a Dragonball Z fan fiction. Yes, it is difficult to learn, and I like to call it… broccoli. Yes, broccoli, the almighty way of reviewing stories. Read on, and listen to my theory on how to review a story. Oh, I will keep names anonymous.  
  
First, I shall start with the reviews I GET! I just love this one word that N.C. (the anonymous writer) gave- ***sighs***. Oh god, you actually SIGHED when you read my story. Damn, who are you, the official editor of all stories, working just under George W. Bush? I MEAN, COME ON, you actually paid attention to the fact that I said Cell was an android, and not organic?  
  
And another note on our anonymous reviewer, N.C.: You said something about how it was wrong to insult "Mirai no" Trunks (don't ask me people), and I knew nothing about his life, as I wasn't in his situation. Yeah, when was the last time you thought, "Well, in 500 years, two androids named 17 and 18 will take over the world, and somehow, this kid with golden hair will fight them"? WILL ANYONE EVER GET INTO HIS SITUATION? I think not.  
  
Here, I will quote your entire review:  
  
RE-READ YOUR MATERIAL, PAL!!! Perfect Cell is NOT an android. He's ORGANIC!!! *sighs* Do a little more research before you write anything else. I agree that Chibi Trunks sucks, but MIRAI NO TRUNKS IS A BETTER MAN THAN ANY REAL ONE! Have you grown up without a father? Have you tried to save a dying planet? Have you found your only friend and mentor DEAD!?! Until you have, DON'T DIS MIRAI NO TRUNKS!  
  
Mirai no Trunks (omg) is a better man than any real one…. Um, no? Why don't churches show the movie History of Trunks every Sunday? I mean, if "Mirai no" Trunks is that good, shouldn't he be pope? Why doesn't Akira Toriyama (creator of DBZ) make episodes of Trunks being a priest, and being the good son that he is? Seriously, I would go to church just for that people.  
  
Check this quote out: "DON'T DIS MIRAI NO TRUNKS". This person seriously needs to get a life. Yeah, I can "dis" your "Mirai no" Trunks as much as I want! GOT IT? GOOD!  
  
Here's another quote that I definitely want to bring up:  
  
HHHmmmmmmm, Lemme guess....Goku lover huh. Big surprise, only one of you would flame the son of Vegeta and call him an illogcal weak idiotic half wit. firstly if you must knowtrunks and Goten wanted to get into the adult division of the tournament, they couldn't enter themselves so the took it upon themselves to get in using the character of one of the fighters that was already accepted into the tournment who "coincidentally" had a mask which was perfect for their "trying to keep a secret identity" thing so that they wouldn't be discovered and thrown out.  
  
and for your information, as far as i know Trunks doesn't actually get together with Pan in GT it is hinted at that she has a crush on him but that's it. Trunks doesn't have pan at the end of the show, tho' I'm told that he's somewhat of a ladies man and is got gurls chasing he down an' stuff. ^_^ anyhoos!  
  
then that remark about his line to Freiza? how many funimation eps have you watched, they like slaughter the episodes man.... I'm sure he probably really didn't even say that. But I thought that it was a cool line. so there!  
  
:P  
  
Anyhoos ^_^ that's my angry defend Trunks letter. (lol) keep up the good work  
  
Kim_Chan  
  
This is called CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM! Notice how she says at the end "that's my angry defend Trunks letter. (lol) keep up the good work" You end nicely, but you don't actually include an insult! Genius! Notice how she… MOCKED MY WORK! THAT WITCH! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Now she dies. MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh yeah, Trunks did say that line to Frieza, except I kind of summarized it and shortened it. However, the correct words are there! SO, WHAT NOW! HUH! GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED DIDN'T YOU!  
  
However, it's time for the interview with myself! Hooray (oh yeah, I wish).  
  
Einstein_006: Yo, wassup Me. I see you've been chillin with the killin of a fillin by pillin WITH A NICE, DELICIOUS PIECE OF LASAGNA!  
  
Me: Um, are you drunk?  
  
Einstein_006: No, I'm just imitating you. Anyway, what would be your example of a review to a Dragonball Z story, on say, the Z gang having a play. The fic would be funny.  
  
Me: Well, I would say it sucked because DBZ isn't supposed to be funny.  
  
Einstein_006: I hate you with a passion.  
  
Me: I know, I just love it when you say that.  
  
Einstein_006: AAAAAAAAAARGH! Okay, how long should a DBZ review be, AND IN ENGLISH!  
  
Me: Hmmmmmm, about 3-5 lines, depending on how much the reviewer likes Macaroni and Cheese. Also, if the reviewer feels that they want to have a sip of a soda, a really short review. However, if they feel like visiting Cuba, then they should put a long review.  
  
*** smiles, as if he thinks that he did a good job ***  
  
Einstein_006: Did I ever say that you were an imbecile, Me?  
  
Stage Director: Well, according to the script-  
  
Einstein_006: Shutup loser. Anyway, last part of this blasted interview, leave us with a statement, and then take a time machine to visit Hitler. Oh yeah, wear a T-shirt saying "I AM A JEW!". He loves those kinds of shirts.  
  
Me: Oh yeah, I will do that.  
  
Einstein_006: A statement about DBZ moron.  
  
Me: Reviewers usually vomit after reading your story.  
  
Einstein_006: YOU LITTLE BRAT! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT! No, I think I won't. I'll knit you a nice, warm sweater that has the words "Wassup. Kick me really hard, then throw me into a ditch. Then, roll over me with a steamroller until my liver is on your neighbor's backyard." Okay dear?  
  
Me: Thanks grandma!  
  
Einstein_006: YOU LITTLE-  
  
Me: And that's the end of our show. Goodbye!  
  
  
  
  
  
NO DISRESPECT MEANT FOR JEWS! THEY ARE GOOD PEOPLE! DESERVE EQUAL RIGHTS, AS THE CONSTITUTION PUTS IT! OKAY! JEWS ROCK! GOT IT! MY BEST FRIEND IS A JEW YOU FLAMER, AND HE IS COOL! SO GET THAT INTO YOUR THICK SKULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, see you next time, AND PLEASE REVIEW! THANK YOU! Goodbye! 


	19. The History of Trunks-Video Game Heaven?...

Hey! I've decided to updated since it's been A LONG time since I've done it. ChichiX finally reviewed (thank god), so that re-sparked my interest in this fic! This time… we shall do… The History of Trunks. MUAHAHAHAHAHHA. Enjoy, and I OWN NOTHING! You better review Ms. ChichiX… OR EINSTEIN WILL GET YOU! MUAHAHAHAHHAHA!  
  
  
  
  
  
Ah yes, The History of Trunks, quite a classic TV special as I would put it. But is it really all that sad? Yes, some parts are, but are you sure that you can't turn this movie around and make it into a comedy? We'll have to see for ourselves…  
  
First, we must consider the lines. One of my personal favorites is when Trunks wakes up after being knocked out by Gohan, and saying, "Darnit (yes, darnit) Gohan, why'd you go alone???". Incredible. But, just try saying that with your best imitation of a really really old guy's voice. Just try saying it now, "Darnit Go- * cough cough , Darnit Goh, wait was that again? Go-what? Ah yes, Gohan! Darnit Gohan, why'd you go- * has a seizure and suddenly dies *. As you can see, it would be very interesting if Trunks were 75 years old.  
  
Didn't we all feel sad when Gohan died and Trunks found out? Yes, I was sad, until I saw some of the perfect opportunities for jokes! Trunks just had to bust out and say, "What did they do to you Gohan?". Well, Trunks, they calmly set him down and told him the reasons why they were destroying the world. Or maybe they made friends but Gohan accidentally fell off a cliff and died. OR MAYBE THEY KILLED HIM.  
  
And, another favorite line of mine is when Bulma is explaining her father's "tactics" of inventing things. "Days seemed like minutes to him." Okay, let's do some math! Say it should take him a week to build something. How many minutes in a day? 60 X 24 people, put short it's 1440. 1440 X 7= *** runs for a calculator ***, 10080 days. Imagine how many years that would be! It's exactly 27.6164383561643835, etc. There should be a bar over that whole decimal number. So, I'm thinking the capsule should have taken him about a month. KABOOM, he is 100 years old after inventing it! No wonder that's ALL he invented…  
  
Some parts of this movie are just impossible to understand! Take the part when Gohan gives the senzu bean to Trunks… heroic and noble. Smart? Not exactly. If Gohan had eaten the senzu bean, he would've been able to go SSJ and fly Trunks to Bulma before anything happened to him. BUT NO, he decided to give the world a few billion losses while giving himself up for some moron boy who would end up getting killed by a monster named Cell and stupidly trying to fight him with infinite muscle mass!  
  
However, the first part of the movie is just… SHOCKING. Gohan is out for a walk while his father lay dying in bed. Now, he could have not known that his father was ill and Goku might've just dropped dead while he was out. But how would the rest of the Z team know? IT WAS SABOTAGE! THEY WERE SICK OF GOKU AND HIS HEROIC ACTS OF SAVING THE WORLD! They secretly planted that virus in his body, not knowing that future Yamcha would come and kick them all in the shin! Wait, that didn't make any sense… WHO GIVES (besides ChichiX)?  
  
But now, it's time for the most fantabulous thing on earth… the interview with myself! And yes, I did say fantabulous! I know it's not a real word! ARG! Everyone's a critic…  
  
  
  
Einstein_006: Hello Me. How's life?  
  
Me: This is a trick. You're trying to lure me into a sense of safety and then you'll attack!  
  
Einstein_006: No, I'm serious! My therapist gave me these wonderful pills… They only have the one weakness, and that's that I can't get angry, otherwise the effects will run out.  
  
Me: TRICK! TRICK! YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME!  
  
Einstein_006: Now my anger has risen and the pill's effects are gone! SIT DOWN YOUNG MAN.  
  
Me: Yes mommy.  
  
Einstein_006: I'm not mommy! Call me prince of all people named Me.  
  
Me: Yes Prince of All People Named Me.  
  
Einstein_006: Now, is Trunks really a good guy? Or is he out to get everyone else just like everyone else? *** grumbles about the lack of originality of Me's answers ***  
  
Me: No, Trunks is actually a good guy. But Bulma was out to get him! Her time machine is actually just a video game. Trunks was really playing a video game while Bulma teamed up with the androids! Then she installed an ending where Trunks "destroys the androids". Oh, isn't Bulma smart?  
  
Einstein_006: What the calculators? Anyway, what is the color of Gohan's hair? I've heard debates between raven and black.  
  
Me: Raven is a synonym of black, so they are both right.  
  
Einstein_006: YOU DARE PROVE ME WRONG! ARG! Now, if you had to rate The History of Trunks from 1-10, 10 being the best, what would you rate it and way?  
  
Me: I'd give it a 10 because Piccolo died in it!  
  
Einstein_006: YOU DARE INSULT PICCOLO! No, don't get angry Einstein, we'll kill Me AFTER THE SHOW, when all the little kids have left. So, Me, please leave with a statement!  
  
Me: Okay! *** pulls out a capsule and out comes a large plane called a "statement" *** Bye you guys!  
  
Einstein_006: HEY, NO ONE RUNS FROM ME WHEN I'M ABOUT TO MURDER THEM! COME BACK HERE!  
  
Just 006: Goodbye all! Einstein and I have to go to… um… work?  
  
  
  
  
  
Didn't you love it? I bet ChichiX didn't. She's planning to take over the world! Seizures from too much laughing? HAH! She's having seizures from all the good ideas I've given her about taking over the world! She's out to get me! AHHHHHHHHHHH! SHE'S COMING! RUN!!!!!!!!! Goodbye until next time, and please review! (er, no offense ChichiX? hehehehehehehehehhehee) 


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